Help for Calming All the Way Down

And the one thing people confess that they worry will insult me (but it NEVER does)

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It was a regular day at Target the first time I put on noise cancelling headphones. They had a few samples on display connected to retractable cords. I pulled a pair up, placed them over my ears, and turned the noise cancellation to its highest level. In an instant, the low hum of shoppers stopped, dropping me into a silent feather pillow world, my whole head immersed into quiet relief.

I literally couldn’t believe my ears. Startled, I took them off, thinking everyone in Target had just simultaneously stopped talking and shopping at the exact same time because it could not be possible that humans have actually progressed to a place where we can truly and fully cancel noise. What kind of sorcery would make this possible?

Needless to say, I walked out of Target with a new pair of headphones and a lot of hope for my future. Headphones! That can cancel noise!

I promise this isn’t a headphones commercial! But because someone may ask, I have the Bose Headphones 700.

Noise has a way of creeping into the normal and the daily and we don’t even realize how it’s impacting us until it stops. As it turns out, I need lots of ways to cancel noise in my life; not just the kind that comes in through my ears, but also the kind that comes in through my eyes, my heart, and my imagination.

So how can we make it stop on purpose? I need noise cancelling headphones for my whole life.

This week I shared My Current Favorite Resources for Cultivating the Quiet (aka calming all the way down) - if you leave your email there I’ll send them to you today. So that’s one way.

My guest last week on The Next Right Thing¹ talked about “going to the well” and it’s a phrase my spiritual directer uses often. I think this action is key to counterbalance the constant input we’re always receiving.

“I'm passionate about my art and the work that I do in the world, which is I consider real vocation, true vocation . . . But I also know that taking time to reflect, taking time to listen, taking time to be in connection with my own spirit and a wider spirit changes the course of my day.

Sometimes I get busy and I get out of practice. I love the word practice because practice does not imply perfection. Practice implies intention, that my intention is to practice going to the well and seeing what's there. And on the times when I'm not, I do notice it. I notice that things become less clear for me. There's a clarity that happens when I take time to be in the silence.

—Carrie Newcomer on Episode 336 of The Next Right Thing

I define going to the well as going to the source of life and Life, where the springs rise up and the water never stops and you remember who you really are, the truest true you. It’s where we find God and rest and hope.

I realize what this looks like for me changes over time. Sometimes it’s being alone, other times it’s being with a trusted listener. Sometimes it’s through prayer and reading, other times just being outside among the trees is nourishing enough for the day. Going to the well will look different for all of us, but one thing I think we all have in common is our presence at the well doesn’t happen by default. It takes some intention.

In what may seem like a diversion from this conversation (it’s not), here’s something I can’t stop thinking about.

Since I started The Next Right Thing podcast, the most repeated line of feedback I get, hands down, is this: Your voice is so soothing! Has anyone ever told you that? And then comes the confession: Actually sometimes I fall asleep listening to your podcast.

Nearly always, the person who says this feels slightly embarrassed or compelled to apologize because they fear I will take offense.

Reader, the complete opposite is true.

Here’s why.

When you’re falling asleep at night, your goal is to give yourself your best chance at rest. You want to calm your nervous system, not work it up. You want to find solace and hope and the assurance that everything’s going to be alright. You want to, if I could stretch it this far, sleep as close to the well as possible, that space where you feel safe enough to be yourself and let your guard down.

When we are falling asleep, the questions we’re able to ignore during the day rise up from their place in the wings.

Am I okay? Are they okay? Is it really going to be alright?

I hope so. But what I know for sure is you probably aren’t falling asleep at night listening to the news cycle. The news cycle is the opposite of going to the well.

I’m not saying it’s not important or that we should avoid consuming difficult-to-hear content. I’m just saying we have to counter-balance that action with another one.² So to think you would choose my voice to listen to when you are laying down at night? No makeup, soft pants, warm covers, no defenses? To think you would consider my words to be safe enough to accompany you as you hold potentially the scariest questions of the day?

This is far from an insult to me. This is an honor.

So.

May you find your way to the well, however that might look for you in this season. And if The Next Right Thing can companion you there, even better.

Here are some recent direct messages I received:

As always, I’m glad you’re here.

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What does going to the well look like for you these days? Where do you listen to The Next Right Thing? What are some of your favorite ways to cultivate the quiet? We’re discussing it all today.

1. Surely you know I have a podcast? It’s called The Next Right Thing and each episode is less than 15 minutes-ish (unless I have a guest, which is rare). I’ve been hosting conversations about discernment and decision-making for 7 years. You can see past episodes here!

2. Shannan Martin writes about what she calls counterweights, those things we see, enjoy, celebrate, and interact with on purpose that, as she says, “keep us standing upright in a complex world, so that we can stay in the fight for what matters.”