The Day I Left the Company I Helped to Start

Learning to bless our hellos and goodbyes

Hi hello we have just six days until How to Walk into a Room is available in the US! Here’s where you can reserve your copy. It will ship on or around release day which is next week, Tuesday March 12.

We’ve all said a fair amount of happy hellos and sad goodbyes, but it goes the other way, too. Sometimes our hellos are sad (hello depression, hello empty nest, hello sleepless nights and permanent furrowed brow.) Other times our goodbyes are happy (goodbye disorganized closet, goodbye toxic relationship, goodbye lonely nights, goodbye!)

We are always walking out of rooms and walking into new ones. And we’re always saying both hello and goodbye. This is something we don’t always consider when making our decisions, but they may still be influencing the decisions we make.

Part of the work of soul minimalism is to notice and name the experiences, longings, disappointments, and joys that are at work beneath the surface. And then, to be straight up honest about them.

When I left hope*writers back in September of 2022, I said one of the happiest and saddest goodbyes. This was an online company I had helped to start and build, a place that received the best of me when I didn’t always have a lot to give, a place where I met some of the most wonderful humans I’ve been grateful to know.

But this was also a place that held a lot of heartache and challenge for me, a job that required things of me that were not always aligned with the way of life that I most value or with how I’m wired. As time passed, what started as a side hobby turned into a full-time job and we (the co-founders) had a lot of honest conversations about the work, our partnership, the future, and what we each wanted moving forward.

I learned a lot about myself during those years of discerning how and when to exit (yes, it took years). When we start things, we don't ever know where those things will end up, how they will unfold, who you will meet, what obstacles you'll face, or the versions of yourself you will become and un-become along the way.

In the end, I had to make peace with the reality that I loved talking with writers about writing and I think I'm good at it. But just because you're good at something doesn't mean you have to do it forever. At least not in the way you've been doing it.

That day in September when I signed the dotted line to sell my shares in the company was a uniquely, exquisitely happy day for me.

September 2022: A spontaneous toast at my friend Kendra’s house after my exit was official but before anyone knew about it.

But, as if often the case, our goodbyes rarely only belong to us, which means we aren’t the only ones who get a say in how they play out. I got an ending, but I wasn’t given much closure. I left quietly, waiting two months to share the news publicly because I still had an opening keynote to deliver at their fall conference. As I delivered that keynote, I knew it would be my last but very few people in the audience knew.

Endings always come but closure is a luxury (if you ever get it at all). If you don’t get it communally (as we often do with things like graduations or retirements) then our work is to create the closure we need in the best way we know how at the time. Because the closure didn’t come naturally in this particular exit, I had to find a way to make it for myself.

November 2022: The day after my final keynote of the conference, my dad and sister were with me when I hit send on my announcement email.

And so I wrote an email to my newsletter subscribers announcing the news.

I sent Voxer messages to my former team members offering gratitude.

I held the details and grief of a glad and difficult ending close to my heart and shared what I could where I could when the time was right.

We ate cake. We told stories. I gave thanks.

There was no farewell floral bouquet, no goodbye speech to the writers of that community, no opportunity to explain or share the why or the when. We did the best we could at the time by navigating an ending that was right but not always straightforward. There are of course things I wish I would have done differently. Things are always more clear looking back than they are when you’re in it.

As I said, we did the best we could.

Hellos and goodbyes matter and they don’t always look the way we expect. Even the goodbyes we’re glad and relieved to say may carry discomfort and complication, untied up endings and unfinished work. Who will help us learn to navigate these well, to do so with integrity, to know when the time is right or what to consider on your way out?

I found I had a lot to say about this. How to Walk into a Room: The Art of Knowing When to Stay and When to Walk Away is most of it.

And the Blessings Collection for Hellos and Goodbyes is a little bit more.

When you get the one, you also get the other.

I have a lot to say about all this not because I’ve always done it right or well, but because I’ve done it a lot and learned some things along the way.

The Hello and Goodbye workbook is available for free with a book purchase until Friday March 15!

I’ve been talking about the book for a while now and I’m so deeply proud of this work. It officially releases next week, on March 12. I hope you’ll order it and read it and I hope it companions you gently through your own discernment processes of deciding to stay or choosing to leave.

When it comes to beginnings and endings, whether they are welcome and anticipated, planned for and orchestrated, or sudden and surprising; whether they’re filled with excitement and joy, or sorrow and loss, it’s good to remember our hellos and goodbyes will always have both gifts and burdens with them. I’ve found it helpful to name them, mark them, and maybe even bless them.

Where are your current hellos? Where are your lingering goodbyes?

Here’s to all the rooms you’ve left, the rooms you’re in, and the ones that are still waiting for your grand arrival. Here’s to you, as you begin and end and begin again.

As always, I’m glad you’re here.

epf

Amazon US | Bookshop.org | Barnes & Noble | Bookmarks: signed and personalized!)

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If you want help navigating your own hellos and goodbyes, I created some free resources to help:

How to get the Blessings Collection and free Workbook

The Book📖: Releases March 12 and you can (obviously of course) preorder now

The Blessings Collection🎧: Available for free with your book purchase

The Blessings Workbook📝: Available for free with your purchase of the book before March 15.

Claim your free gifts by March 15 right here.

When you get the book in any format from any retailer and visit my website to tell me so (right here there’s a form!) then we’ll send you the audio Blessings for Hellos and Goodbyes for free along with a companion workbook to help you name and notice the various hellos and goodbyes of your life.

If you think you’ll be getting the book eventually anyway, get it now and then you can have the workbook for free along with the audio Blessings for Hello and Goodbye.

Here’s a peek of the workbook pages:

While the book will help you determine if it’s time to stay or go and to develop your personal practice of discernment about what to do when a room you’re in may be a room where you no longer belong, here is a gift and a resource to help you notice and name how these endings and beginnings impact you on the inside, in the quiet, sacred space of your inner life.

There are 7 blessings for hello and 7 for goodbye. Here’s a peek inside the app once you claim your free gift (a fancy screenshot from my app screen):

As always it’s always good to hear from you. What have you found to be helpful for navigating your own endings that didn’t have any closure?