Reading this post is extraordinarily timely for me. Just a few minutes ago, I was laying on the floor picturing myself at the feet of Jesus asking for his help. I'm 60 and didn't expect to feel like a beginner in just about every aspect of my life right now. I didn't receive any fully satisfactory answers (yet) but I do have His presence.
The older I get, the more like a beginner I feel. And that has become a healthy place for me to operate from. Realizing how little we do know opens us up to listen well, connect deeply, and grow in a compassionate kind of wisdom. I love that.
I’m unlearning what it’s been like to have had a bright and kind and generous and fun loving brother, my twin who has been my best friend and truly my life long companion. He progressed in a very short time from being confused and forgetful to being diagnosed with ongoing vascular dementia a few weeks ago. He’s hospitalized and will never be able to live by himself again. In that short a time, he no longer knows who I am.
I’m now a beginner in navigating the legalese that is our elder care system for these precious vulnerable adults. I’m doing it from a distance since I have health issues of my own that preclude me from traveling to be with him. That’s accompanied by the “should” voices in my head insisting I should try to go anyway. It’s taken weeks and hours on the phone to finally find legal representation. Most elder care lawyers where my brother is are booked well into the new year. Frustration and feeling of helplessness have been traveling this road with me. My kind intelligent fiercely independent twin never executed a Power of Attorney so I will be seeking a guardianship.
Your email today reminded me how precious it is to be able to go before our loving God with just exactly who we are and where we are. I can’t fix my brother but I can learn to be the best advocate that he needs. Thank you for these wise words. I will revisit them often, I’m sure.
"I’m unlearning the belief that an offering only counts if it is skilled, polished, or complete." I am unlearning this. Holy Spirit has been leading me to tell my story in certain environments. I thought I had to have it polished, like a well- written sermon, but it's more vulnerability, fumbled words and sharing the genuineness of what is healed and what has yet to be healed. I'm learning that this seems to touch other people's minds and hearts more than craftsmanship.
Thank you for this. I think there is a lot of unlearning in transitional seasons. As I turn 50 and get ready to launch my second daughter, while still having two more at home.... I am restless. As a spiritual director like yourself, I know these days are invitations and opportunities. Right now I am unlearning the need to be productive, and instead lean into the opportunity to be present. Present to all those I encounter, to God and to myself....and in doing so, as Teilhard de Chardin prays, "trust the slow work of God".
At 62, I stepped into a fundraising project with zero experience. I learned a LOT. And each time I shared my project, I wanted to retreat, avoiding the uncomfortableness of beginning again. Emily, I love the idea of unlearning. Something to ponder today.
Thank you for your words. I recently started an online course to be a Grief Coach. Then I think…What was I thinking!! My ‘tagline’ is Keep Going. Your words were a good reminder to do just that.
I am writing my first book. Two weeks ago, I begged my best friend to tell me I didn’t have to write it and he scoffed at me. My therapist/spiritual director also told me it is my calling. It just feels so overwhelmingly new - a whole New World where I don’t know the language or the culture or the best practices. Lots to learn these days.
Yes, thank you for the reminder. There are things we have learned that we need to unlearn. They no longer serve us, the current people, or the circumstances in which we find ourselves. There are things we have trained to do, paid for, and invested in that we may no longer want to do. I’ve been feeling the pull to change course and trying to discern if it is fear or better alignment. Fear of being a beginner again. Two steps forward one step back. That feeling you describe—how? Me too. What if I let go of the regret? Stopped vying for the crown in competition, and started showing up as my actual self with the goal of best-fit pace, and connection? It might be viewed as surrender, acceptance of ordinariness or even quitting. How do we release that care?
As a life long learner I have discovered the process of unlearning takes time and it's not easy. Someone once said " You don't know what you don't know". That's very true. Reading essays and books like yours Emily, Kate Bowler (and listening to your podcasts), Sara Bessey, Kat Armas, Kaitlin Curtice, Steven Charleston and others broaden my understanding, helping me realize what I didn't know and what I need to know.
I recently started working as a teacher at an Elementary School and most days I have the feeling of "what was I thinking when I accepted this job?" I've tried to embrace being a beginner again in my professional life at almost forty, but part of me is resisting this sensation. Thanks to your words, Emily, I'm thinking: what can I unlearn?
A little over a year ago, I walked out of a big room and had to start over with a lot of things, including kind of starting myself over and uncovering the real me who had been hidden inside the person everyone else wanted me to be for my whole life. That means learning my real desires, my real goals and setting firm boundaries. It's been hard and uncomfortable, but also liberating, what I imagine a caterpillar feels when it gets to fly out of the restrictive cocoon as a butterfly. I feel like I can breathe now.
Emily this is so beautiful and hard and it just touches my heart. Thank you 🤍 things I am unlearning:
1) the house is only good enough if it’s clean
2) your worthiness is judged by your aforementioned house, dog, preschooler’s behavior, productivity, etc etc…. Which leads me to what I’m trying TO learn:
3) the love doesn’t come because you are shiny. The love is what makes you shiny. The point is not in being shiny- it’s in soaking in the love that is somehow all around you especially when things are really hard
Thank you so much for this. I’m saving this and I know it will be a re-read many times.
As my body and mind’s needs have changed in perimenopause, I am learning how to accept being a beginner in the job I’ve been doing it for 18 years. Learning to receive mercy and grace for myself and to lean into my weaknesses, trusting God is able to give me His strength in this calling. I am also learning how to say “I don’t know” (even when sometimes I should) and to be ok that others’ opinions or judgments of me may not be positive as a result. Isn’t this really part of the true freedom we have in Jesus? May we all embrace it ❤️
Reading this post is extraordinarily timely for me. Just a few minutes ago, I was laying on the floor picturing myself at the feet of Jesus asking for his help. I'm 60 and didn't expect to feel like a beginner in just about every aspect of my life right now. I didn't receive any fully satisfactory answers (yet) but I do have His presence.
The older I get, the more like a beginner I feel. And that has become a healthy place for me to operate from. Realizing how little we do know opens us up to listen well, connect deeply, and grow in a compassionate kind of wisdom. I love that.
I’m unlearning what it’s been like to have had a bright and kind and generous and fun loving brother, my twin who has been my best friend and truly my life long companion. He progressed in a very short time from being confused and forgetful to being diagnosed with ongoing vascular dementia a few weeks ago. He’s hospitalized and will never be able to live by himself again. In that short a time, he no longer knows who I am.
I’m now a beginner in navigating the legalese that is our elder care system for these precious vulnerable adults. I’m doing it from a distance since I have health issues of my own that preclude me from traveling to be with him. That’s accompanied by the “should” voices in my head insisting I should try to go anyway. It’s taken weeks and hours on the phone to finally find legal representation. Most elder care lawyers where my brother is are booked well into the new year. Frustration and feeling of helplessness have been traveling this road with me. My kind intelligent fiercely independent twin never executed a Power of Attorney so I will be seeking a guardianship.
Your email today reminded me how precious it is to be able to go before our loving God with just exactly who we are and where we are. I can’t fix my brother but I can learn to be the best advocate that he needs. Thank you for these wise words. I will revisit them often, I’m sure.
Well this is heartbreaking and beautiful. 🤍
"I’m unlearning the belief that an offering only counts if it is skilled, polished, or complete." I am unlearning this. Holy Spirit has been leading me to tell my story in certain environments. I thought I had to have it polished, like a well- written sermon, but it's more vulnerability, fumbled words and sharing the genuineness of what is healed and what has yet to be healed. I'm learning that this seems to touch other people's minds and hearts more than craftsmanship.
Thank you for this. I think there is a lot of unlearning in transitional seasons. As I turn 50 and get ready to launch my second daughter, while still having two more at home.... I am restless. As a spiritual director like yourself, I know these days are invitations and opportunities. Right now I am unlearning the need to be productive, and instead lean into the opportunity to be present. Present to all those I encounter, to God and to myself....and in doing so, as Teilhard de Chardin prays, "trust the slow work of God".
At 62, I stepped into a fundraising project with zero experience. I learned a LOT. And each time I shared my project, I wanted to retreat, avoiding the uncomfortableness of beginning again. Emily, I love the idea of unlearning. Something to ponder today.
Thank you for your words. I recently started an online course to be a Grief Coach. Then I think…What was I thinking!! My ‘tagline’ is Keep Going. Your words were a good reminder to do just that.
I am writing my first book. Two weeks ago, I begged my best friend to tell me I didn’t have to write it and he scoffed at me. My therapist/spiritual director also told me it is my calling. It just feels so overwhelmingly new - a whole New World where I don’t know the language or the culture or the best practices. Lots to learn these days.
Yes, thank you for the reminder. There are things we have learned that we need to unlearn. They no longer serve us, the current people, or the circumstances in which we find ourselves. There are things we have trained to do, paid for, and invested in that we may no longer want to do. I’ve been feeling the pull to change course and trying to discern if it is fear or better alignment. Fear of being a beginner again. Two steps forward one step back. That feeling you describe—how? Me too. What if I let go of the regret? Stopped vying for the crown in competition, and started showing up as my actual self with the goal of best-fit pace, and connection? It might be viewed as surrender, acceptance of ordinariness or even quitting. How do we release that care?
As a life long learner I have discovered the process of unlearning takes time and it's not easy. Someone once said " You don't know what you don't know". That's very true. Reading essays and books like yours Emily, Kate Bowler (and listening to your podcasts), Sara Bessey, Kat Armas, Kaitlin Curtice, Steven Charleston and others broaden my understanding, helping me realize what I didn't know and what I need to know.
I recently started working as a teacher at an Elementary School and most days I have the feeling of "what was I thinking when I accepted this job?" I've tried to embrace being a beginner again in my professional life at almost forty, but part of me is resisting this sensation. Thanks to your words, Emily, I'm thinking: what can I unlearn?
A little over a year ago, I walked out of a big room and had to start over with a lot of things, including kind of starting myself over and uncovering the real me who had been hidden inside the person everyone else wanted me to be for my whole life. That means learning my real desires, my real goals and setting firm boundaries. It's been hard and uncomfortable, but also liberating, what I imagine a caterpillar feels when it gets to fly out of the restrictive cocoon as a butterfly. I feel like I can breathe now.
Emily this is so beautiful and hard and it just touches my heart. Thank you 🤍 things I am unlearning:
1) the house is only good enough if it’s clean
2) your worthiness is judged by your aforementioned house, dog, preschooler’s behavior, productivity, etc etc…. Which leads me to what I’m trying TO learn:
3) the love doesn’t come because you are shiny. The love is what makes you shiny. The point is not in being shiny- it’s in soaking in the love that is somehow all around you especially when things are really hard
Thank you so much for this. I’m saving this and I know it will be a re-read many times.
As my body and mind’s needs have changed in perimenopause, I am learning how to accept being a beginner in the job I’ve been doing it for 18 years. Learning to receive mercy and grace for myself and to lean into my weaknesses, trusting God is able to give me His strength in this calling. I am also learning how to say “I don’t know” (even when sometimes I should) and to be ok that others’ opinions or judgments of me may not be positive as a result. Isn’t this really part of the true freedom we have in Jesus? May we all embrace it ❤️
Thank you for speaking to my heart so frequently.
Beautiful